Lost

Our family has been dealt a great blow 2 weeks ago. I got the phone call from my mother-in-law. That one phone call stopped our world from revolving. Life as we have known it has ceased. My father-in-law has passed.

I had to watch my family's collective hearts smash to pieces. It wrenched my soul. The questions that can only be founded out of grief came pouring like a burst dam from their wounded hearts were left unanswered. "Why?" "How?" And the most terrifying one, "What now?"

When that evening was drawing close, my broken husband had to tell our children the news. Georgie sobbed. Hannah stared. That was the worst feeling. Watching your child's fragile heart deflate like it was punctured with thorns of sadness. My heart bled as never before.

I sat helplessly to the people I longed to help. I wanted to picked up their heart-pieces & mend them together, but the shards were too small & sharp to handle. I began to do the only thing I could. Pray.

God knows what it is like to have great loss. He had to watch His only son be tortured & murdered. He alone had the power to stop the madness, but refrained with love. A love for hearts broken with sin. Hearts that could only be repaired by a loving master-healer. So, I asked Him to reconstruct the fallen bits as only He can. It will take Him longer to fix what it broken because He knows when & how to gingerly fit the broken together. You can't rush a love that binds & heals damaged hearts.

As the days waned on slowly,  I waited. I waited for God to use his gentle hands to work. I waited for my name to be called out if only for a tissue. I waited for my heart to make sense of what was now past. We had to leave behind the patriarch & walked away. It stung & still does.

The next week brought the celebration of the greatest birth. How do we celebrate a new life when the  when we just put a life to rest? How do you go to gatherings where everyone is filled with joy & gladness when your wound is fresh & bleeding? You remember in the chaos there is hope. The hope that came with that small unnoticeable babe so many centuries ago. The hope that life will be renewed someday.

Although our lives & hearts will never be the same, we can keep taking on step at a time. Each step taking us farther from disparity & closer to what lies ahead of us. We can still looked over our shoulders & smile at the ones we had to leave behind. We can never go back to them, but we can look forward to seeing them again with our Heavenly Father. There is but one way to get there, through believing in that little baby who grew up to be the Savior of this world.

9that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. 11For the Scripture says, “WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.” 12For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; 13for “WHOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED.” - Romans 10:9-14


With this hope, we can look towards to moment when we will be healed of our brokenness.