Udder Chaos

This used to hang in my kitchen.

I used to milk cows. I was technically labeled a "Dairy Maid". When asked by the tax preparer of my occupation during that stint, I announced that title. She looked at me as if I wore the iconic dress, apron & bonnet & carried a pail everyday to work. She asked about the farm I worked at & the cows. I obliged with some details of early morning cow herding & milking.

I loved milking the cows! Now there were a few cows that I didn't get along with, but I tolerated them. There were "girls" that I named. The cows just had numbers, no names. It felt very impersonal to me to say, "Good morning, 213." So I renamed her Dixie. I knew a lot of the cows when they were calves. I even cried over a couple of them that had to leave due some problem the Farmer couldn't fix.

I didn't mind the smell. I would come home in the mornings reeking like the farm. There were bad days when it seemed like the whole morning was going down the manure gutter. I would sometimes ride home with less clothes then I started out with. I've been pooed, peed & slobbered on by the girls. I fell one morning in the free stall barn & became COVERED in stinky brown goop. I had my knuckles broken by some wild heifers. I had my ribs bruised by the Farmer, a gate & an unwilling heifer that calved & need milked. I've had my feet & toes stepped on more times that I could count. I got a hernia during my employment at the farm that required surgery to repair. I went to visit the girls with staples holding my belly button together because I missed them & ended up helping the vet do surgery on one of my favorite cows, Scooter.

I don't tell you these things to build myself up or to make you feel bad for me. I want you to understand that even though there were days I would sit in the hay mound & cry, I absolutely loved that life. I did this for 5 years.  

One evening my Hubby came home from work & mentioned that I might have to quit. "Quit?" "Ummm, yeah. I'm getting a new position at work. A supervisor position. I have to go into work earlier." Up until that point I would wake up at 3:15am to go bring the cows to the milking parlor by 4 am. I would leave the farm at 6:50 am to be home right before 7am. George would leave, I would change clothes & wash up really quick & then get Girly ready for school. It worked perfectly. Sometime during the day I would sneak a nap so I could stay up with Hubby after the kids went to sleep.

"There has to be another way," I pleaded. "Not unless you can leave earlier." I started to search for solutions. "I can't leave any earlier, it's not fair for the others at the farm." Hubby tried to console me. "Well, I'll be getting a raise, so you won't need to work." "I guess."

This is not what I had planned. Why would God snatch my passion away from me? Doesn't He know that I LOVE cows? 

"For every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills"- Psalm 50:10 

God owns all the cows. He knows ALL their names. He knows how much milk each cow makes. He created them on Day 6.

"God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock [cattle] according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good." - Genesis 1:25 (insert mine)

I couldn't see the proverbial forest through the trees. This was a God-send. I just couldn't see it at that moment. I was starting to homeschool the Boy. I had a hard time keeping any semblance of a clean house, teaching my Boy, helping Girly & not be short-tempered with my family. I was putting myself & my wants ahead of their needs. I was disobeying God.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." - Philippians 2:3-4

I wanted to be with the cows. I found solace in their quiet ways. I enjoyed watching them sway as they walked. They didn't yell at me when I didn't understand what they wanted from me like Girly. I didn't have to teach them how to spell like the Boy. I didn't have to try to understand about electronics when Hubby was talking about work. It was calming to be with the girls.

God spoke to my heart & reminded me that He already gave me what I needed at home. I didn't need to go looking elsewhere for contentment. 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:" - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Being a dairy maid was a season of my life just as being a child or a mom with small children. These are just seasons of our lives. It is just a season that will pass like spring changing into summer. It's not a better season, just one with different qualities. You may prefer autumn to winter, but you can't stop it from happening. You can't rush the seasons or hold them back.

"They do not say to themselves, ‘Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives autumn and spring rains in season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest.'" - Jeremiah 5:24

I have found that it's best to not fight the changing seasons in my life but to embrace them. They can change at any moment whether you're ready or not.

Summer Vacation

Our summer schedule

School is on hold until further notice! I am having a wonderful reprieve, for now. No schedules, no where we have to be & no structure. So what happens when you have an autistic child who thrives on a schedule & a mother who despises schedule? CHAOS! You wind up with an unhappy girl & momma.

I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. I like to do things on a whim. I do chores as I see them. "Oh,  the hamper is full & over-flowing onto the floor. I guess the laundry needs done today. Let me check the weather & see if I can hang up the clothes." "Ummm..... there's something sticky on the kitchen floor. I better get it cleaned." Okay, please don't think that I am lazy & don't care about the state of my house. I just have another priority in my house, my kids & husband.

I would rather spend my 86,400 seconds I get each day on playing with my kids or listening to my husband's frustrations than standing at the sink washing dishes. I am fortunate to have a husband who understands & accepts that fact that our abode is never going to be magazine-clean. I also have a husband who gave me a dishwasher for Valentine's Day one year. I don't really go for the sappy stuff.

Girly-Girl on the other hand, she likes her schedule. First, (fill it in). Then, (fill it in). You get the point. She gets highly disgruntled without that structure. My boy also requires a play-by-play calendar. He wants to know what's happening & when it's exactly going down. If you stray from the agenda by even a few minutes, look out. He has actually fired me because of this issue. Little does he know that moms cannot be fired, although there are days when a reprieve would be refreshing.

So, what am I to do? I have bought quite a few of organizational, scheduling & how to manage a home books. I even have a organizational book for those with ADD. I got half way through it & got bored. I read many blogs on housekeeping schedules. I just don't have that particular drive. Martha Stewart & I would not see eye to eye.

On the days when I am motivated to make a schedule, God has the master agenda already posted. He has had my timeline planned from before the Romans took over half the world. Just imagine that God has our lives planned down to the clothes that we pick out for the day.

"Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!" Luke 12:27, 28

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." Matthew 10:29, 30


Do you know how many hairs are on your head? I know when I brush my hair, there are less.

My point is that God knows my personality, & He knows that I hate to do dishes. I also believe God gives me everything that I need, including having one of the kids spill juice on the table, down the chair & on the floor. Or by having a friend call & say that she needs me to watch a couple of her children while she helps her mother-in-law. As for the kiddos & their penchant with agendas, I think I'm trying to teach them to be flexible with their time on Earth.

Unplanned Events

This past couple of weeks have been nuts! My Boy & I finished our homeschool year. We get to go to 4th grade next year! Girly Girl is still finishing her last couple of days at the local public school. They're really not doing anything constructive but must finished their state-mandated 180 days. 

Here is a list of events that have transpired in the last week or so:

•  We got a camper from my parents as a gift. It need cleaned before the children could play in it. They insist on sleeping in there this weekend. They were dragging blankets, pillows & arm-loads of toys out to get ready. Needless to say, I spent a morning cleaning a camper instead of cleaning the living room.

•  Friends of ours welcomed a beautiful little girl into their family, their first. Hubby is just smitten with her! He calls over to his buddy just to see how she is doing (them, too!). I made them a meal the other night. Hubby made the plans & didn't check the calendar. I had to skip Zumba. It turned out great because I got to spend time with the new family & got to hold the pretty girl.

• A tragic accident occurred within our community that has left many of us shaken, so now there was a viewing to attend for 2 hours. I can only give my regrets, prayers & love to these grieving people & yet it does not seem enough.

• A friend came over with her children to share lunch & laughter. We watched our combined 6 kids run around the yard. They would go from the wading pool to the camper to the trampoline. They would only stop to gather a few freeze pops & a quick drink before they were off again.

• Hubby hurt his back, again. He was lifting our air conditioner out of the box & slipped a disk. He spent the weekend in agony on the couch & in bed with prescribed pain killers & muscle relaxers.

•  I started to clean out the attic. (More on that in a later post.) While cleaning near the chimney, I discovered that I could see daylight all round where the chimney goes through the roof! On top of Hubby hurting his back on the eve of fixing the roof, we've had horrible storms pass through the area dumping a deluge of water into the attic. It didn't get fixed yet.

Some of these events were joyous! Some of them were laced with misery. All of these occasions have one thing that link them together. None of them were planned.

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." - Proverbs 16:9

We can purchase the latest organizational gadget or planner & fill it with our plans for the day, week, month or even year. All it takes is 1 phone call, accident, or discovery to dislodge your whole schedule. 

"Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.""  - James 4:13-15

I'm not one to have everything mapped out. On the days I do decide to make plans, something unexpected happens. It changes the course of the whole day & sometimes days after. I generally sit & mutter under my breath all day about how I had plans. I needed to get these seemingly important jobs done. My selfish ambitions affect my outlook & then my attitude towards others. My my attitude stinks & so does my heart.


"...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." - Matthew 12:34b

When my heart stinks, it comes out of my mouth as disgusting, rotten garbage. Sarcasm. Resentment. Annoyance. Hate. This is what happens. All because it didn't go my way.


At some point the Holy Spirit speaks to my repulsive heart, "Not your way. My way." It's at this point I usually breakdown in tears & ask for forgiveness. Clean my heart, Lord.

It stinks to have your perfectly good plans "ruined". I just need to remember that God is control of my life. Not me. I am his servant. Not the other way around. Next time my plans get rearranged or blown completely, I will try to ask God first to trust His plans & find the beauty in those plans.

"Can I have some river?"

This was the question I was plagued with for a complete hour yesterday. I told my 10 year-old, Girly Girl (not her real name), that she had to be good at school yesterday morning. She's having the End-of-school-year-I-don't-want-to-do-anything-but-play syndrome. I proceeded to tell her that school is almost over & showed her the calendar for proof. "Only a couple of days left," I try to console her. Now I have to wave the reward flag to get her utmost attention. "When school is done & it's summertime, we'll go to the river & play." She smiles & responds with, "Go to the river?" with inflection in her tone at the end of the question. "Yes," (here comes the bargain) "You MUST be a good girl & do your work & be quiet & sit still & stop breaking your pencils." I know that I just committed a serious grammatical error, but that is how I have to explain things to Girly Girl. If I don't add the "and", she thinks the previous words aren't connected & don't matter.

That kind of thinking is not normal to any 10 year-old. I get that. I'm not talking down to my daughter. She is on the Autism Spectrum.Girly Girl was diagnosed when she was 2 1/2. I won't beat around the proverbial bush & say that it has its ups & downs. There are days when I didn't know how to face the next moment without breaking down & sobbing. There are days still, that I feel I am helpless to do anything good for her.

Autism is a mean monster that can steal your child right from under your nose. You can't call the police & report that someone stole your child. That is what happened to Girly Girl. One day she was a toddler that could speak 2-3 word sentences, point out objects & follow simple commands. One Sunday at church we went to collect her from the nursery only to find she was the only child not playing ring-around-the-Rosie, a game we played, & she enjoyed. Instead, she was sitting under the table ripping up paper towels. Odd. Maybe it's a weird phase? Shortly after that event she began to stop using words & screamed her demands. It was if autism stole her voice, & she couldn't say the words anymore.

We got an appointment with a children's behavioral treatment center. Our fears were confirmed. There was something wrong. Then the word autism came into the conversation. Autism became part of every conversation for the next couple months. What to do? Where to start? Who do I ask the tough questions to? What about when she becomes an adult? How do I get her to look me in the eyes? Does she still know or remember that I love her?

I hear lot of, "God only gives special children to special parents." First, every child is special. They are a first-rate miracle from God, plain & simple. Second, what if I don't want to be a "special parent?" That's not what I signed up for when I asked to be a parent. I am not very patient. I do not like the thought that my beautiful little girl has a label on her that defines her. I hate the fact that I have had security called on me at stores because Girly Girl decides she wants a toy that isn't in the budget or I already told her no. By the way, this has happened a couple times, seriously.

Then a couple of weeks ago while attending the CHAP homeschool conference in Harrisburg, a friend & I met some very nice missionaries. We talked about their mission field, & they inquired of our children. "Oh, autism you say? Well, God only gives special children to special parents," the nice lady says with a genuine smile. Without even thinking, I respond with, "Thank you. It is a hard thing to swallow sometimes." I continue to think about that statement as carouse the exhibits. Why can't I believe people when they make "that" comment? I am ordinary. Plain. Right?

Wrong. I am the daughter of the King of Kings. I have strength through Christ to do all things. (Philippians 4:13) Days when I can't see past the autism & am ashamed with my selfish actions & words, I can ask Jesus to forgive me & heal my soul. He promised to welcome all who asks Him. He will let you sit & tell Him all about your troubles. He even collects your tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) You don't even have to pay Him money like a shrink! All He asks in return is to love Him & those He gave to you. (Insert a pleasant sigh.)

After hearing the barrage of, "Can I have some river?" for what seemed like hours, I closed my eyes. I asked Jesus to give me strength to be the best mom that my girl needed at that moment. I gave her a kiss on the forehead & said, "Yes, you can have some river.....later."

I need an assistant

This is my desk.

This is my desk. This is organized chaos at its best. You'll notice the stacked piles of what looks like miscellaneous papers, CDs, magazines, receipts, workbooks, sale flyers, a cup of coffee & even a computer & printer. It's almost like playing "Where's Waldo?" Can you find the batteries? This is the hub of my life. The desk sits in the living room right where everyone can see it. There's no hiding of the what looks like a dumping station because in fact it is. Some of you with organized type personalities might pass out from overload. Some of you with laid back personalities might say it's not that bad. My opinion, it's a little of both.

I am a wife & mother who needs to keep track of our daily comings & goings. This includes schedules & appointments for the 4 of us, paying the bills, phone numbers & addresses, insurances & everything else that is included in living. I am a homeschool mom. This means I have a daily log, portfolio, artwork, science projects, workbooks, subject books, book catalogs & the PA homeschool "rule book" to account for. I am the coordinator of the local chapter autism support group that meets monthly. I write the newsletter every month & mail or email it to about 45 families & agencies.  This all adds up to a lot of stuff.

I have self-help books on organizational skills. I read a couple of blogs on scheduling & organization. I have a file cabinet. I also have a trash can in case you were wondering. The problem lies with me. I hate to be tied down to a schedule, & I'm pretty sure I'm ADD. I start a task. I go to put an object away only to find something else that needs done, right now. I follow that rabbit trail until I see something else that needs done, right now. I'm like Dory - oh, look...something shiny...let's follow it! Soon after I finish (I use that turn loosely) scrambling around the house, I notice that it's time to get my daughter off the van. The children want to play outside or do "something" as my son says. The next thing you know my hubby is calling & says he's on his way home & "By the way, what's for supper?" The subsequent 30 minutes feels like an episode of "Chopped"!


The truth of the matter is that we all have busy lives that get out of control & turn into chaos at times. We can't control the emergency phone calls, interrupted schedules or other people's actions. The only thing that remains organized is God's plan for our lives. He has every moment accounted for. There is nothing you or I do that isn't is His daily planner. Another amazing thing about God is He promised to send me a Helper. John 14:16-17 says, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither see him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you." Jesus was talking to his disciples about when he was going to be crucified.


You can have your own personal Assistant to be with you always. All you need to do is ask Jesus to be your personal savior & save you from your sins (the wrong things you do that make God sad, that's how I explain it to my son). Once you ask for forgiveness, you receive your own individual Helper.

This doesn't mean that God is going to red-off (it's a southeastern PA term for clean) my desk for me. It doesn't mean that God is like a Iphone with Siri replying with all the answers immediately. It means that He will be with me when I need him. All I have to do is ask for His help.

Now I need to get school started, make some phone calls, figure what supper is going to be, wash laundry & maybe, just maybe get some of the desk red-off....tomorrow?