"Can I have some river?"

This was the question I was plagued with for a complete hour yesterday. I told my 10 year-old, Girly Girl (not her real name), that she had to be good at school yesterday morning. She's having the End-of-school-year-I-don't-want-to-do-anything-but-play syndrome. I proceeded to tell her that school is almost over & showed her the calendar for proof. "Only a couple of days left," I try to console her. Now I have to wave the reward flag to get her utmost attention. "When school is done & it's summertime, we'll go to the river & play." She smiles & responds with, "Go to the river?" with inflection in her tone at the end of the question. "Yes," (here comes the bargain) "You MUST be a good girl & do your work & be quiet & sit still & stop breaking your pencils." I know that I just committed a serious grammatical error, but that is how I have to explain things to Girly Girl. If I don't add the "and", she thinks the previous words aren't connected & don't matter.

That kind of thinking is not normal to any 10 year-old. I get that. I'm not talking down to my daughter. She is on the Autism Spectrum.Girly Girl was diagnosed when she was 2 1/2. I won't beat around the proverbial bush & say that it has its ups & downs. There are days when I didn't know how to face the next moment without breaking down & sobbing. There are days still, that I feel I am helpless to do anything good for her.

Autism is a mean monster that can steal your child right from under your nose. You can't call the police & report that someone stole your child. That is what happened to Girly Girl. One day she was a toddler that could speak 2-3 word sentences, point out objects & follow simple commands. One Sunday at church we went to collect her from the nursery only to find she was the only child not playing ring-around-the-Rosie, a game we played, & she enjoyed. Instead, she was sitting under the table ripping up paper towels. Odd. Maybe it's a weird phase? Shortly after that event she began to stop using words & screamed her demands. It was if autism stole her voice, & she couldn't say the words anymore.

We got an appointment with a children's behavioral treatment center. Our fears were confirmed. There was something wrong. Then the word autism came into the conversation. Autism became part of every conversation for the next couple months. What to do? Where to start? Who do I ask the tough questions to? What about when she becomes an adult? How do I get her to look me in the eyes? Does she still know or remember that I love her?

I hear lot of, "God only gives special children to special parents." First, every child is special. They are a first-rate miracle from God, plain & simple. Second, what if I don't want to be a "special parent?" That's not what I signed up for when I asked to be a parent. I am not very patient. I do not like the thought that my beautiful little girl has a label on her that defines her. I hate the fact that I have had security called on me at stores because Girly Girl decides she wants a toy that isn't in the budget or I already told her no. By the way, this has happened a couple times, seriously.

Then a couple of weeks ago while attending the CHAP homeschool conference in Harrisburg, a friend & I met some very nice missionaries. We talked about their mission field, & they inquired of our children. "Oh, autism you say? Well, God only gives special children to special parents," the nice lady says with a genuine smile. Without even thinking, I respond with, "Thank you. It is a hard thing to swallow sometimes." I continue to think about that statement as carouse the exhibits. Why can't I believe people when they make "that" comment? I am ordinary. Plain. Right?

Wrong. I am the daughter of the King of Kings. I have strength through Christ to do all things. (Philippians 4:13) Days when I can't see past the autism & am ashamed with my selfish actions & words, I can ask Jesus to forgive me & heal my soul. He promised to welcome all who asks Him. He will let you sit & tell Him all about your troubles. He even collects your tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) You don't even have to pay Him money like a shrink! All He asks in return is to love Him & those He gave to you. (Insert a pleasant sigh.)

After hearing the barrage of, "Can I have some river?" for what seemed like hours, I closed my eyes. I asked Jesus to give me strength to be the best mom that my girl needed at that moment. I gave her a kiss on the forehead & said, "Yes, you can have some river.....later."