"Can I have some river?"

This was the question I was plagued with for a complete hour yesterday. I told my 10 year-old, Girly Girl (not her real name), that she had to be good at school yesterday morning. She's having the End-of-school-year-I-don't-want-to-do-anything-but-play syndrome. I proceeded to tell her that school is almost over & showed her the calendar for proof. "Only a couple of days left," I try to console her. Now I have to wave the reward flag to get her utmost attention. "When school is done & it's summertime, we'll go to the river & play." She smiles & responds with, "Go to the river?" with inflection in her tone at the end of the question. "Yes," (here comes the bargain) "You MUST be a good girl & do your work & be quiet & sit still & stop breaking your pencils." I know that I just committed a serious grammatical error, but that is how I have to explain things to Girly Girl. If I don't add the "and", she thinks the previous words aren't connected & don't matter.

That kind of thinking is not normal to any 10 year-old. I get that. I'm not talking down to my daughter. She is on the Autism Spectrum.Girly Girl was diagnosed when she was 2 1/2. I won't beat around the proverbial bush & say that it has its ups & downs. There are days when I didn't know how to face the next moment without breaking down & sobbing. There are days still, that I feel I am helpless to do anything good for her.

Autism is a mean monster that can steal your child right from under your nose. You can't call the police & report that someone stole your child. That is what happened to Girly Girl. One day she was a toddler that could speak 2-3 word sentences, point out objects & follow simple commands. One Sunday at church we went to collect her from the nursery only to find she was the only child not playing ring-around-the-Rosie, a game we played, & she enjoyed. Instead, she was sitting under the table ripping up paper towels. Odd. Maybe it's a weird phase? Shortly after that event she began to stop using words & screamed her demands. It was if autism stole her voice, & she couldn't say the words anymore.

We got an appointment with a children's behavioral treatment center. Our fears were confirmed. There was something wrong. Then the word autism came into the conversation. Autism became part of every conversation for the next couple months. What to do? Where to start? Who do I ask the tough questions to? What about when she becomes an adult? How do I get her to look me in the eyes? Does she still know or remember that I love her?

I hear lot of, "God only gives special children to special parents." First, every child is special. They are a first-rate miracle from God, plain & simple. Second, what if I don't want to be a "special parent?" That's not what I signed up for when I asked to be a parent. I am not very patient. I do not like the thought that my beautiful little girl has a label on her that defines her. I hate the fact that I have had security called on me at stores because Girly Girl decides she wants a toy that isn't in the budget or I already told her no. By the way, this has happened a couple times, seriously.

Then a couple of weeks ago while attending the CHAP homeschool conference in Harrisburg, a friend & I met some very nice missionaries. We talked about their mission field, & they inquired of our children. "Oh, autism you say? Well, God only gives special children to special parents," the nice lady says with a genuine smile. Without even thinking, I respond with, "Thank you. It is a hard thing to swallow sometimes." I continue to think about that statement as carouse the exhibits. Why can't I believe people when they make "that" comment? I am ordinary. Plain. Right?

Wrong. I am the daughter of the King of Kings. I have strength through Christ to do all things. (Philippians 4:13) Days when I can't see past the autism & am ashamed with my selfish actions & words, I can ask Jesus to forgive me & heal my soul. He promised to welcome all who asks Him. He will let you sit & tell Him all about your troubles. He even collects your tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) You don't even have to pay Him money like a shrink! All He asks in return is to love Him & those He gave to you. (Insert a pleasant sigh.)

After hearing the barrage of, "Can I have some river?" for what seemed like hours, I closed my eyes. I asked Jesus to give me strength to be the best mom that my girl needed at that moment. I gave her a kiss on the forehead & said, "Yes, you can have some river.....later."

I need an assistant

This is my desk.

This is my desk. This is organized chaos at its best. You'll notice the stacked piles of what looks like miscellaneous papers, CDs, magazines, receipts, workbooks, sale flyers, a cup of coffee & even a computer & printer. It's almost like playing "Where's Waldo?" Can you find the batteries? This is the hub of my life. The desk sits in the living room right where everyone can see it. There's no hiding of the what looks like a dumping station because in fact it is. Some of you with organized type personalities might pass out from overload. Some of you with laid back personalities might say it's not that bad. My opinion, it's a little of both.

I am a wife & mother who needs to keep track of our daily comings & goings. This includes schedules & appointments for the 4 of us, paying the bills, phone numbers & addresses, insurances & everything else that is included in living. I am a homeschool mom. This means I have a daily log, portfolio, artwork, science projects, workbooks, subject books, book catalogs & the PA homeschool "rule book" to account for. I am the coordinator of the local chapter autism support group that meets monthly. I write the newsletter every month & mail or email it to about 45 families & agencies.  This all adds up to a lot of stuff.

I have self-help books on organizational skills. I read a couple of blogs on scheduling & organization. I have a file cabinet. I also have a trash can in case you were wondering. The problem lies with me. I hate to be tied down to a schedule, & I'm pretty sure I'm ADD. I start a task. I go to put an object away only to find something else that needs done, right now. I follow that rabbit trail until I see something else that needs done, right now. I'm like Dory - oh, look...something shiny...let's follow it! Soon after I finish (I use that turn loosely) scrambling around the house, I notice that it's time to get my daughter off the van. The children want to play outside or do "something" as my son says. The next thing you know my hubby is calling & says he's on his way home & "By the way, what's for supper?" The subsequent 30 minutes feels like an episode of "Chopped"!


The truth of the matter is that we all have busy lives that get out of control & turn into chaos at times. We can't control the emergency phone calls, interrupted schedules or other people's actions. The only thing that remains organized is God's plan for our lives. He has every moment accounted for. There is nothing you or I do that isn't is His daily planner. Another amazing thing about God is He promised to send me a Helper. John 14:16-17 says, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither see him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you." Jesus was talking to his disciples about when he was going to be crucified.


You can have your own personal Assistant to be with you always. All you need to do is ask Jesus to be your personal savior & save you from your sins (the wrong things you do that make God sad, that's how I explain it to my son). Once you ask for forgiveness, you receive your own individual Helper.

This doesn't mean that God is going to red-off (it's a southeastern PA term for clean) my desk for me. It doesn't mean that God is like a Iphone with Siri replying with all the answers immediately. It means that He will be with me when I need him. All I have to do is ask for His help.

Now I need to get school started, make some phone calls, figure what supper is going to be, wash laundry & maybe, just maybe get some of the desk red-off....tomorrow?